Well, not really. I mean, I joined Bumble. And I flirt when I see a good opportunity. I’m kinda starting to date. I’m thinking about it. This is my second attempt at thinking about it.
A couple years after my divorce I signed up on Match.com. I remember my friends being so excited for me. Yeah Rach – get out there and have some fun! It doesn’t matter that he’s never been married and has no kids – just enjoy yourself.
Fun? I’ve had a lot of fun. Like, years and years and years of fun. And it was fun. But I’m different now. I’m a single mom with two little girls, seven and five-years-old, who I have all the time, all the time. And I expect it to stay that way until they grow up and join the circus.
That being said, how do I have the fun? I don’t get every other weekend and Wednesdays to myself to do with what (or who) I choose. We’re not from Minneapolis – all my family and friends who are family are back home in the Milwaukee area – so asking them to take my girls for a night so I can go out and get jiggy wit it is not an option. That’d be kinda weird anyway, wouldn’t it? Hey Brother, can you take my kids for an overnight so I can go out to the bar and pick up a piece of ass? Pleaseandthankyou. My brother was my biggest cockblock when I was younger – I doubt things have changed now. He’d prolly tell me to take my kids with me to the bar. It’s all out of love, I know.
I ended up quitting Match.com – I decided it wasn’t for me. A couple years went by and that brings us to 2023. I had some big losses at the beginning of this year – my mom and dad passed away 17 days apart from each other. Very romantic. And of course, as we all do when we experience loss, I began reevaluating. I don’t want to be a single for always, I want a partner. I want someone who wants to kick rocks with me while we wait for my girls to ride the rides at Valleyfair, and go out for breakfast on Sunday mornings, and have contemplative conversations about what mayonnaise is used for versus Miracle Whip – they both have their place on this planet. So, I joined Bumble. I’ve gone on two dates – they were a bust. But, knowing what I don’t want is proving to be equally as valuable as knowing what I do want.
All this to say – do I even want the fun? No. I do not. Time is my one commodity I can’t make more of, so I’m super fucking stingy with it. If your presence is not going to help in moving me forward, toward my goals, I’m really not interested. Not even just for a night. To all those hot pieces of ass out there – I salute you. Enjoy the fun. Me? I’m taking my time. Shopping around for that perfect pair of shoes.
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Rachel Lewandowski