I am loud.

The other day, I met one of my neighbors for the first time. He’s also Erna’s friend’s dad. I’ve only ever met her friend’s mom – hip, hip lady – and last time we chatted I mentioned how I’d like to get together and have an opportunity to meet her husband, too. I love it when the Universe sends me gifts. The other night, he and his daughters were out for a walk – I didn’t have to do anything other than skip outside and introduce myself to this man (after my daughters had already run out screaming excitedly, so happy to see their friends). And I’m super glad I did. We weren’t talking more than five minutes when he said to me –

You’re not from around here, are you?

No. I’m born and raised in Milwaukee. Why? Can you hear it in my accent?

No. You’re just very straightforward. People from Minnesota don’t talk like you.

This is not the first time someone’s commented on the way I talk – hah! People definitely remark on it. I remember when we were living in Irvine, CA, one of my neighbors told me how much she admired how I speak to my daughters in a “strong voice”. That was a huge compliment coming from this woman because I adored her – she’s from Germany, her and her family have moved around the globe quite a bit, she’s beautiful, stylish – such a kind heart. I felt so… big. Until my MN friend, who was visiting me at the time, laughed and said –

She means you’re loud.

Wild how the flutter in my belly turned into a sinking pit. Amazing how someone else’s perspective of something someone said to me could not only flip the physical feeling inside my body but also shift my beliefs about myself. Then I started having all these thoughts, like a million swirling around, the loudest one being –

I’m not strong, I’m just loud.

Now let’s be real – I am loud. I’m a loud talker. I don’t hear well and I don’t talk much, so when I do talk, I want to be heard. But I speak loud AND clear AND concise. I leave little room for interpretation. I am straightforward. And strong.

It took me a while, a long while, to put these two perspectives together in a way that’s positive. Having a loud, strong voice and clarity in what I want and what I believe isn’t always the most well received. As a matter of fact, I’m finding it’s often met with resistance and seemingly off-putting to people. Especially now – living in Minnesota it’s even more apparent how uncomfortable humans can become when they’re in the presence of an energy that’s confident and sure of itself.

Minnesota nice is a real thing. I’m here doing my part to make Minnesota a little bit un-nice. To make it more real. My tater-tots came out cold once, at our local watering hole on a fairly busy night – I flagged down the young man who brought us our food and told him I needed them to be taken back and warmed up, please. He looked at me confused and a little bit offended.

Listen, I’m not gonna eat cold fucking tater-tots, man.