I fix things. I was born this way. This is not a codependent type of behavior I’ve developed over the years in an effort to demonstrate my worth, this is a straight-up birth defect. I am a Virgo.
I used to assume that everyone thought the way I do. I never considered the idea that anyone would be satisfied with the status quo or just doing things the way they’ve always done it without any thought to how they could do it better. Turns out not everyone cares about shit like this. What a smack-in-the-face reality check that was – hah!
This natural skill that I have can help and it can hurt. I can recall a lot of hurting, but never with intent. It’s an innate reaction for me to observe the way things are getting done, ask the why questions so I fully understand the method behind the madness, and then tell them how to do it better. Unsolicited. Some people don’t really like that. Wrap in my candid, straightforward demeanor and my penchant for using the word fuck and people really, really don’t like that. I’m working on it. Sort of.
It took me years to realize 1. That I even do that. And 2. Some people just want to talk about “it”. They don’t want to fix it. They want to live with it and occasionally complain about it. That is all. It was a long, long time before I grasped that. Because I’m not like that.
Venting doesn’t help me unless I leave with a solution or an action item toward a solution. If I unleash all my frustration just to walk away with nothing to show for it, I will break some shit. Not really, but you get the idea. And it drives me bananas when someone listens to me then gets all soapboxy and pulls out their best peptalk in response.
I don’t want to hear your fluff, I wanna hear your ideas on how to fix it. Because I am a FIXER. Fuck.
So what do I do with this gift of mine? For starters, teach myself how to curb it.
Like, read the fucking room, Rachel.
Figure out if they want help fixing it or if they just want to bitch about it, and then go from there. Sometimes I have to directly ask so I can set my mind frame accordingly. This is helpful. It may sound weird to my responder, but it helps me show up in my very best way for them.
The other thing I’ve begun doing is coaching. I fucking love coaching. Coaching is helping me fulfill my born-in desire to be of service to others in a deep and meaningful way. The sweet, sweet release I felt when I realized that I can do this, this mutually beneficial thing that can satisfy me and help improve a person’s life, AND positively affect the world – is indescribable.
I’m excited about this. I’m excited to help fix.
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Rachel Lewandowski