The other day in the car on our way to daycare,

my younger daughter, Erna, asked me a fantastic question –

Mama, should I listen to my head or my heart?

What makes you ask me a question like that, baby?

Because I wanna choose the smarter one.

Man, was I blown away. I think kids are amazing. They’re so open and real and contemplative. They dream without boundaries and they talk without constraint. I believe all children are a portal to the spiritual realm. And we close them over time. What a shame.

I pay close attention to what my kids say – not in all moments, let’s be real – but I’m damn good at picking out the important ones. And if I had a dollar for every time one of these girls said something enlightening or asked a challenging question, we could take a Disney vacation. Which sounds like hell on earth to me. So, scratch that.

*Full disclosure: I enjoy children at arm’s length. I’ve gotta keep mine closer because they’re mine. Kudos to the teachers and daycare providers and nannies and such. I admire you and value the fuck outta you. It takes a certain soul to do what you do and that is not me. I’ll be forever grateful for the love and care you bring into my daughters’ lives that I simply cannot.

Moving on. Erna had another enlightening statement that ties to the one above.

Kids feel and parents deal.

Kids feel and parents deal. What did she mean by that? Did she mean kids have big emotions and it’s the parents’ job to manage them? Or was this another version of her comparing heart to head? As in kids are guided by their feelings and parents are guided by their dealings (their head, their thoughts). Both are true, for sure. Kids are absolutely guided by their heart – their innerthing that shows them their feelings at any given moment. Like when Erna gets all pissed off, like seriously pissed off when Eleanore starts talking when she’s talking. She snaps and shouts –

Eleanore – I was TALKING!

And sometimes tears come. Or a mopey face and far off looks out the car window. Or Eleanore shuts up quick enough and Erna stays level and continues her story. There are even rare occasions when Erna’ll tell Eleanore she can go ahead and talk. Guided by her innerthing, without question.

What a beast that thing is to manage, isn’t it? But you’ve gotta listen to it. Acknowledge its wants, its desires. You’ve gotta do that for yourself and you’ve gotta do that for your kids. At least help guide them through it. And it’s hard, right? To hear your innerthing, really listen, and balance it with your brain in an effort to minimize explosive reactions. In an effort to have more thoughtful responses. But don’t forget to keep the responses authentic to your innerthing. Fuck. This is getting complicated.

So, we’re back to where we started. Do you listen to your head or your heart? Your heart – 110%. Your head will help you figure out the details, but your heart’s gonna take you where you belong. Your heart’s the smarter one.