Forty-fucking-four. Man, where does the time go? It was just yesterday when I decided to move us to Minnesota. The day before that I found out I was pregnant. The day before that is when I first met my second ex-husband. And the day before that I had just graduated college. I was 23 two weeks ago. I swear.
Mid-September is a great time of year to have a birthday. We’ve closed the summer chapter, kids are excited to be back in school, life is beginning to transition to dormancy – the air smells fresh and the energy’s slower. More aware. It’s always such an awesome time for me to look over my shoulder at my year in retrospect.
I dunno exactly what I did for my birthday last year, but I can assure you there was a red velvet Nothing Bundt Cake. That’s become a tradition. I got certified as a life coach not long after. Decided to leave one day job for another. My mother passed away. Then my father. Then I sat on the couch for a while. Then I joined a gym. And Bumble. Went on some dates. Got my logo designed and my website built. Took my girls to St. Louis, and to see Imagine Dragons, and camping at Jellystone, and to see Pink. But I think if someone were to ask what I did this past 365 days, my off-the-cuff response would be something like –
Not much. Had a lotta loss.
But that’s not true, is it? I mean, for sure I had a lotta loss, but I got some shit done. Including finally getting around to purchasing the TV for the rec room that I’ve been promising my girls since we moved into this house two years ago. That purchase happened just last week on the night of my birthday right after we got lost in the woods and right before we picked up grocery store sushi for dinner. I can’t tell you how accomplished I felt when that was done. There was this task sitting inside my brain for two fucking years and in less than 60 minutes I was able to get something picked, purchased, and scheduled for delivery & install. I’m never going to get that time or space back that I spent thinking about getting that done, and I wondered to myself why I took so long to do it in the first place.
I had a similar thought today when we were in the theater seeing Barbie. Lemme first just say – what a fucking fantastic movie for a mom to go see with her little girls. I love its messages so much, so much. But why’d it take me so long to get us there? When I first heard about it, I wanted to go see it the day it opened. But I never planned it. Then life happened. Then I forgot about it. Then yesterday my girls asked me to buy it on TV.
Hell no, I’m not buying Barbie on TV. We’re going to the theater to see that.
And I bought the tickets and we went. And yes, I’m a little wrapped up in why I drug my feet about it, but I’m also super happy I just did it. It was so good for all three of us for so many reasons.
Think less, do more – that’s how I’m living year 44. Cheers.
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Rachel Lewandowski